i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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