The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
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