So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
