nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
sarcasm needs its own font
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
