I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
