she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
