i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
