My room smells like vodka and shame
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
