I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
