do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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