Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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