Your dad touched me again.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
