I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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