i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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