My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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