ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
