I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
