Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
false alarm. still invincible.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
