there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
