Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He did a backflip because drugs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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