Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
