I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
