Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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