On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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