he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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