Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
