She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
