had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
