Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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