who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
