A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
