She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
