I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
