mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
