Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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