I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
