1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
