this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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