Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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