He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
