did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
