out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
