Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
