do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
