she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
