You work out of a Hotel?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
