Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
