At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
