Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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