There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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